Thursday, February 24, 2011

Actual things that have happened this week...

No crap.

*I walked around all day with my nursing bra hanging open. Unaware. That is how much time my bra spends open.

* I shaved my legs (it was newsworthy). I did not cut myself (also newsworthy).

* My 12 year old son is texting a girl. A female. He claims she's not his girlfriend but I saw him text her a rose. Suspect. Highly suspect.

* I caught him doing push-ups. Oh. Dear. God.

* My 11 year old son got completely ready for school without any prompting. And also without pants on (inspiring my future book... Don't Forget Your Pants).

* My 15 year old daughter started drivers training. Sigh.

* I hope bald is coming back because the baby pulled out half the hair on the right side of my head.

* One of our stupid dogs attacked the other stupid dog and I almost broke my arm trying to separate them. I am not a fan of our dogs right now. Or any dogs for that matter. Or the cat. In fact, the only animals I'm feeling any good about are the fish, and one of them died. Crap.

* I had to pee (at least once a day) but the baby was in the wrap so I peed while babywearing. In fact I also swept, cooked and dusted babywearing. I would have showered babywearing if my sling was waterproof (and yes they do make those).

* I made Henry the Hoot Owl. But I had to do it with a baby on my lap which means I stabbed myself with knitting needles no less than 7 times.

* I went almost an entire day without water. I had coffee and iced tea. That's all. And they weren't even caffeinated. I didn't realize it until 9:15 pm. By then I had a headache. (I hope the Man isn't reading this or I'm busted)

* I made rice krispie treats.

* I ate rice krispie treats for breakfast.

* I ate rice krispie treats for dinner.

* I probably ate rice krispie treats for lunch but I'm not admitting it.

* One night I served the 15 year old (who had to leave for an activity before dinner was done) a plate of mexican rice, a rice krispie treat and a banana. It looked as bad as it sounds.

* I started to write a tutorial for the owl I mentioned above. I got the first two lines written. So far, that's it. It goes like this: Step One: Get some yarn. Step two: Get some size 3 knitting needles. (More on this later)

* The 11 year old told us he was learning about dictators that are "mean and crazy" also that he would like to be a dictator, but a "nice one" because he doesn't want to be shot or hung. Awesome. It's good to have dreams.

* I fell into the big curbside trash can. Like inside of it. I don't really want to talk about it.

* Did I mention the rice krispie treats?

Oh also because I've been such a good wife and mommy (or you know, because I was looking for an excuse, like I FELL IN A TRASH CAN) I bought myself this lovely book:

Isn't it lurvely?

Then someone spilled syrup on it.

Of course.

So readers... what happened to you in the last week?

Hang in folks,


PS I love Jane Austen. Who doesn't love Jane Austen? OK I mean what LADY doesn't love Jane Austen? If you don't love Jane Austen you should buy this book anyway because it's so purdy.

PPS It's been one the best weeks of my life.


The Great Quiram Adventure said...

Oh Joni...i hate to laugh at your expense but it is therapeutic to read that someone else is having one of those weeks. U do so love Jane Austen and that is a "luverly" book. I hope you get some time to sit down and read it soon. I must admit I refuse to give my younglings cell phones (cause I am cheap and they have a home phone) but the idea of Trisitin texting a girl scares the beejeezus out of me. I know the time is coming but I am so not ready for it. My week has consisted of applications to schools, homework, reading for said homework, assembling my new bed frame and laughing with the kids and hubby. Other than the crying with my ex-boss at lunch yesterday (tears of joy) the stress has been abated some.

The Great Quiram Adventure said...

I should note, I love Jane Austen and I know Miss Stef loves her as well.

devin said...

Wow! My week was similar. I got up no less than 300 times to get the 17 month old off of the kitchen table. The 11 year old is showering daily and getting up early to curl her hair. Something suspicious is going on. The 9 yr old comes home daily with a new injury from basketball. And all the while trying to help relieve the 17 month old horrid constipation. Any suggestions from you or your readers are appreciated. I have used FiberOne granola bars, prune juice, apples, & apple juice. If I was still lactating I would give her some breastmilk because I know that would work. Hopefully all of these home remedies don't all work at the same time. Knowing my luck, they will.

Mom of M&Ms said...

WEll I am all caught up ( reading your blog).. and ya made me laugh.. I once told you that I can not write funny... but i think I have decided that I can not laugh at myself.. and no way would sahre about the trash can thing on a blog..Just saying that I now know why you are funnier ( ha what a word!) than me!

Tristina said...

Peeing while babywearing. Yes. Many times. Try doing it while the baby is on your back and you have to scooch and sit kinda forward so the baby doesn't touch the back of the toilet.

Good times.

Marge said...

I must say that I always get a chuckle when reading about your adventures. I'm sitting here with a cast on my leg, unable to do much of anything productive, but I can still smile and thanks to you, I did. Your old Aunt Marge

Joni said...

Genny... it's coming. Watch out. Today he tells me she's his "girlfriend". Hold me.

Devin... water? Lots. I have breastmilk if you need some and you want to make a milkshake. A smoothie with flax would probably do it. Flax acts a little like a laxative.

Holly... I have no shame.

Tristina... Yeah. That.

Marge.. Heal up quick. In the meantime. I'm happy to provide whatever entertainment I can. (and you're not old)

Val McCormick Photography said...

Seriously how sad is it that I don't make time to catch my blog up....SO BEHIND. LOVE reading your blog. I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants!

ESTOccasions said...

Thank you for the great laugh! This spoke to me on so many different levels. Thanks again.

Stef said...

Wait, wait, wait - we MUST have the trash can story! Please?

You know I love J.A. so happy reading. Pride & Prejudice was my favorite for years and years, being the first J.A. I read, but now Persuasion is my favorite.

I'll blog about my trip at some point this weekend. Flying home today and I just want to squeeze my boys more than I can tell you!

Good luck with the new "girlfriend" thing. Yikes. <3

Erin said...

hee heee. Oh My!!! I used to pee while nursing. A LOT!

Let's see. My little one had an allergic reaction to Shrimp. She's ok. My big one has croup. She's getting there. We're leaving for vaca on Monday but I'm nowhere near ready! And instead of getting ready my 4 year old and I went to get mani/pedis and ice cream :) So that was awesome. I'm drinking a glass of wine and making the girls frozen pizza. Because. It's almost vacation!!!

Don't fall in anymore trash cans!!!

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