Epic Apple Pie

I'm not lying.

I know I said I was going to tell you how to make french bread.

I did lie about that.

Well not entirely. I will post that recipe and instruction soon but I made this pie again today and I thought to myself, "Self, you should share this recipe. Like now."

This pie is a nice little spin on the basic pie and the combination of a few recipes that I tweaked a little bit until it's basically so delicious that you'll want to immediately die after you eat it.

Ok not die. But probably at least have a moment of reverent silence.

No other person on the face of the earth has this recipe.

You're welcome.

Here it is:

Epic Apple Pie

Crust:

4 c flour

1 3/4 c shortening

3 T sugar

2 tsp salt

1 egg

1/2 cup water

Filling:

8 ish large apples (I use Granny Smith. Duh.)

2 T flour

2 T sugar

2 tsp cinnamon (Or more. Or less. You decide. I use it sparingly because frankly my mom put so much cinnamon in her pie that you could barely taste the apples. Sorry mom. Just keeping it real. I have a little bit of an aversion to cinnamon.)

Juice of half lemon

Topping:

1/2 c unsalted butter

3 T. flour

1/2 sugar

1/2 light brown sugar packed

1/4 water

And instructions:

First heat up the oven to 425 F.

Gather your ingredients. Here they are:

The lemon isn't pictured. You need one. Sorry, I forgot. Also the butter and sugar aren't pictured. You need those too. Oh heck, I'm not sure why I put this picture there at all.

Moving on.

Ok, peel up them apples. However thin or thick you like. I like them thin. That's just a personal preference (also if you're making a BIG pie like me they'll get cooked through this way, if not they'll be a little firm which is also tasty).

Please use a sharp knife. And don't cut your finger. (I know you're probably not 10, but just in case you are, be careful.)

Toss in there the lemon juice, flour, sugar and cinnamon. Stir it up.

Compost the peels (or eat them, or feed them to your pig, if you have one).

Now make the crust:

I command you to not be intimidated by making homemade pie crust. It's not that hard and it makes a WORLD of pie difference. You can buy crust at the store (in the freezer or fridge section) but it is like 1/1,000,000th as good. If granny saw me using store pie pie crust she'd come back from the afterlife just to strangle me. And probably curse me out for not having my own chickens.

Here's the dry stuff (and crisco):

Mix the egg and water and set in the fridge. You know, cause it's cold in there.

This is how you do it: Mix up the dry stuff (that is flour, sugar, salt). Give it a good stir. Then cut in the shortening. You can use a pastry cutter (I got mine from Christmas) or you can use your fingers (some of the best pies I've ever had were made by my sister in law Deva and were made with the "fingers" method") or two butter knives. Make a little well in the center and pour the egg and water into it. It should look about like this.

Mix it all up with a spoon until it's well blended (I usually end up using my hands at this point).

Then divide it in about half. Note: This recipe makes probably two pies worth of crust but I always make deep dish so I just end up with some leftover bits. You can cut these into strips and put cinnamon and sugar on them and bake them up making a little treat that kids (and husbands, incidentally) love. I probably should have told you this earlier. Sorry.

Then throw some flour on some flat surface (this is my kitchen table which is basically the only place I ever roll anything out) and roll the crust out. Use enough flour to make sure it doesn't stick. It's helpful if it's kind of cold (the dough, not the table). Once you've got it rolled out big enough lift it up and put it in the pie dish. Press it all in and then cut around the edge. If you like to can make it crimped and fancy schmancy like mine:

Pile the apples in there:

This pie is not. Messing. Around.

Now time for lattice. Roll out the other half the dough and cut it into strips about 1.5 inches or so wide and at least 10-12 inches long. You can use a pizza cutter. Or a knife. Like so:

If you need help figuring out how to do the lattice (I just lay it down one strip at a time starting with the top one and the one on the left side and working my way down and over ) here is a little step by step instruction.

Now let's mix up topping. Melt the butter and add flour to make a pasty like substance then add in the water and sugar(s) and mix it all up.

Brush it over the crust using a pastry brush (or if you're cheap like me just use a paintbrush {I swear I only use this for pie}). Then slowly pour the rest over the pie (and into the pie).

Bake at 425 for 15 minutes then reduce to 350 and bake another 35-45 minutes (I go the full 45 for the deep dish). It's a good idea to set it on a cookie sheet (Unless you like the sound of your smoke detector).

You may now enjoy the best apple pie ever in the history of apple pie.

Can someone please come clean my kitchen?