Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Ci-tay: day two

*I acknowledge there is no day one post. We were busy. That sums it up.

Ella is debuting her new sunskygrasscloudsflower hat today. Original design by dad and mom. You can't believe the number of comments we got on this hat. It bordered on absurd. I'm going to start mass producing (better photos to come).

Well here Ella and I are in the City. Capital C. San Francisco. We had a rather eventful day while dad worked at the Paypal Innovate Conference. I don't know what it is exactly, but apparently a rather big deal in the world of the computer-y types. Brilliant.

We started our day at Happy Donuts. It was pretty Happy. Even Happier though, the several drunk bums outside.

Walking around the Tenderloin was probably not one of my better ideas. However, I clearly learned nothing from that experience because I went back again. More on that later. If you don't know what the Tenderloin is please feel free to read the Wiki article linked above. Don't not feel obliged to visit. It's really not necessary.

While in the Tenderloin I did have a rather pleasant exchange with two fellows who were, let's just say, not employed... or showered. Anyway, I was clearly trying to avoid their secondhand smoke when one of the gentlemen (I use the term lightly) said to the other (while waving his hands about frantically), "Dude. Move out of the way asshole, there's a BABY on that lady." (I'm paraphrasing). The other fellow (I won't even ironically use the word gentlemen) said, "WHAT?!" To which bum #1 replied, "RETARD. It's a BAMBINO. She don't want your smoke f%$*er." Then...."Awwww. She's cute too." So there you go. All is not lost.

After that it was Union Square. That was a treat (once I found it). Ella was snug in the Maya and we hit up several stores. Old Navy. Sephora. Other stuff. Why bother with the Union Square Old Navy you ask? Well because it's Union Square of course. Three stories of clothing bliss (well not bliss exactly. Just clothes.) Also we found a not so little shoe store where I picked up some new tennies since my existing ones were basically making me wish I could saw off my own feet at the ankle. During this time we talked to some very interesting folks, most of which stopped to comment on either a. Ella's hat or b. the Maya. I managed to nurse twice, while walking, as I learned that, much to my dismay, SF has almost no public seating. No surprise I guess as the aforementioned bums would probably have been sleeping and/or living on them.

After our shopping and mobile nursing adventures I was getting pretty famished. Also I was quite tired from walking and lugging Ella and bags around. I stopped at the first reasonable place to eat. Blondie's Pizza. Do not believe everything you read because yelper's give this place a way too generous 3 stars. I can tell you I had what was undoubtedly the very worst piece of vegetarian pizza I've ever had. In. My. Life. IN addition to the pizza travesty, the seating area was closed. What the heck man? And the soda had no lid. HELLO. I'm carrying 3 bags and a BABY for pete sake. After that nightmare I went back to the hotel dejected and ready for a nap.

Ella didn't want to sleep. Surprise.

Back out we went in search of coffee, chocolate or hopefully both. Yelp did not fail me this time. To Hooker's Sweet Treats I went (stopping along the way at a grocery store {using that term very loosely} to get a banana and some nuts) Ok so it was a bit of a hike back into Tenderloin but I met two very interesting men wearing pink outfits and walking a tiny white dog. We had a lengthy conversation about the intelligence of babies and how to keep your dog the whitest white (which was apparently very important to this particular fellow. Note: the answer is not bleach). One of the gentlemen (and he was indeed) was in his 70's no doubt and declared that babies are "tiny dictators". Never has a truer word been spoken by a 70 something year old man in a pink tracksuit. I should have taken his photo. Anyway, I waited for what turned out to be the very best mocha I've ever had accompanied by the most outstanding piece of dark chocolate covered sea salt sprinkled caramel. One word. Amazing. This is coffee and candy alchemy tucked in one of the trashiest neighborhoods I've ever had the pleasure of walking through.

This is Hooker's. It's the nicest place in a two block radius by far. Very far. Bonus: the table was decorated with flowers in blue ball glass jars (ala our wedding decor)

More shopping after that. And the following things of note:

1. The Apple store @ Union Square is absurdly large.
2. They are inventing a new language in the Tenderloin. Mostly using the f word.
3. If you'd like to buy a pair of Dolce & Gabana/Ray Ban/Maui Jim/Ralph Lauren/Spy sunglasses you may do so on O'Farrell Street for $10. They might be counterfeit. Just sayin.
4. If you walk around long enough someone will eventually accuse you of "lying to them to try to trick them into having sex with you... for one thousand years." He might not have been sane. Just sayin. After I left he started talking to the bottle he was holding.
5. You will be asked for money/change/booze/directions/the time, repeatedly.
6. You will see the largest variety of people anywhere. Where else can you see a guy in a pink tracksuits/a bunch of Asian guys wearing the same coat/a bunch of doctors/a lady dressed in a trashbag/three Italian couples discussing the inappropriateness of one of the ladies fur coats. In Italian. With hand gestures.
7. Also seen, a whole bunch of necklaces. Randomly displayed on a corner.
8. And... Trolley car displaying Giants flag.
9. And... A Muni car. Retro styling (this I believe is the 1960 car). I'm told by my hub (who called the Bay home for many years) that the muni sucks so bad the "hipsters won't even ironically ride it"

Tomorrow: Day 3


Ballerina Baller said...

hahaha! i love that last bit. heres a good hipster joke for you, stop me if you've heard it.
how many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
i dunno, how many?
it's an obscure number, you wouldn't have heard of it...

love your story telling!

~ said...

Lol @ the hipster joke. But to be fair I said a hipster wouldn't ironically wear a MUNI shirt. I think a hipster would ride the bus or train though. Especially if it's raining. Rain will absolutely ruin tight corduroy pants

Ballerina Baller said...

lol, so true. i also used to live in the City, when i was mohawk sporting punk college student before i became a mohawk sporting ex-punk mom. lol. glad you had a good time!

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