why i am accomplishing nothing

Seriously.

Not a thing.

You know, except like taking care of a tiny baby human.

The blog redesign is in it's beta stages at www.mommabare.com. You can go there if you are so inclined, but please, please for the love of all things sacred and holy understand that it is so. Not. Done. Not even in the neighborhood of done.

And that's about all there is to say about that.

Actual things that have happened this week...

No crap.


*I walked around all day with my nursing bra hanging open. Unaware. That is how much time my bra spends open.

* I shaved my legs (it was newsworthy). I did not cut myself (also newsworthy).

* My 12 year old son is texting a girl. A female. He claims she's not his girlfriend but I saw him text her a rose. Suspect. Highly suspect.

* I caught him doing push-ups. Oh. Dear. God.

* My 11 year old son got completely ready for school without any prompting. And also without pants on (inspiring my future book... Don't Forget Your Pants).

* My 15 year old daughter started drivers training. Sigh.

* I hope bald is coming back because the baby pulled out half the hair on the right side of my head.

* One of our stupid dogs attacked the other stupid dog and I almost broke my arm trying to separate them. I am not a fan of our dogs right now. Or any dogs for that matter. Or the cat. In fact, the only animals I'm feeling any good about are the fish, and one of them died. Crap.

* I had to pee (at least once a day) but the baby was in the wrap so I peed while babywearing. In fact I also swept, cooked and dusted babywearing. I would have showered babywearing if my sling was waterproof (and yes they do make those).

* I made Henry the Hoot Owl. But I had to do it with a baby on my lap which means I stabbed myself with knitting needles no less than 7 times.

* I went almost an entire day without water. I had coffee and iced tea. That's all. And they weren't even caffeinated. I didn't realize it until 9:15 pm. By then I had a headache. (I hope the Man isn't reading this or I'm busted)

* I made rice krispie treats.

* I ate rice krispie treats for breakfast.

* I ate rice krispie treats for dinner.

* I probably ate rice krispie treats for lunch but I'm not admitting it.

* One night I served the 15 year old (who had to leave for an activity before dinner was done) a plate of mexican rice, a rice krispie treat and a banana. It looked as bad as it sounds.

* I started to write a tutorial for the owl I mentioned above. I got the first two lines written. So far, that's it. It goes like this: Step One: Get some yarn. Step two: Get some size 3 knitting needles. (More on this later)

* The 11 year old told us he was learning about dictators that are "mean and crazy" also that he would like to be a dictator, but a "nice one" because he doesn't want to be shot or hung. Awesome. It's good to have dreams.

* I fell into the big curbside trash can. Like inside of it. I don't really want to talk about it.

* Did I mention the rice krispie treats?

Oh also because I've been such a good wife and mommy (or you know, because I was looking for an excuse, like I FELL IN A TRASH CAN) I bought myself this lovely book:


Isn't it lurvely?

Then someone spilled syrup on it.

Of course.

So readers... what happened to you in the last week?

Hang in folks,

j-diddle


PS I love Jane Austen. Who doesn't love Jane Austen? OK I mean what LADY doesn't love Jane Austen? If you don't love Jane Austen you should buy this book anyway because it's so purdy.

PPS It's been one the best weeks of my life.

(nearly) wordless Wednesday: Henry the Hoot Owl

Presenting Henry:


The Hoot.

Standby. Tutorial to follow folks.

Happy crafting,

j-diddle

make. it. stop.

Please for the love of all that is sacred and holy.

Make it stop.

You see, next year these two lovebirds who met in 1986. (Yeah you read that right):

Will have their 20th class reunion.

Last month this baby turned 11.

And last week we bought a car for this baby to drive.

When she turns 16:

In August. Which is 6 months from now.

And last night this baby (the one on the right):

Was text messaging.

A GIRL.

A FEMALE HUMAN.

(He'd be mortified if he knew I said so but I mean COME ON. A GIRL?)

And this baby, you know the one born like, what was it, yesterday?

Was rolling over.

Both ways.

It is in light of all this that I insist that all growing cease. And additionally that time stop.

Immediately.

Thank you for your consideration in this matter,

the mother

PS the wedding-y photos you see here were taken by the incomparable Myron Yeung. Take a peek at his website (You'll see yours truly featured :)